You dirty rat! - For Jane's prompt at GBE2

“So, there was this rat...”

The group uttered a good-natured groan. Beth headed for the kitchen, returning with a couple of bottles of wine. Other members handed round glasses, and Jane sank into 'The Story Chair'. It was her privilege, and for all the groans and rolled eyes, the group were looking forward to this week's tale.

Every week they gathered and one member would step forward to relate an anecdote or spin a yarn. Jane was well known for her rambling, funny tales, and they were enjoyed, This week, when she'd entered the room sporting a set of 27 stitches in her cheek, they knew they were in for something epic. A hush fell, members finally settling into comfortable positions and Jane took a deep breath;

“I’d been at the computer for a while. I wasn't really doing much, just pottering about, writing a little, trawling for anything interesting or amusing, when I saw it. I swear, a rat the size of a rabbit! It shot across from the sofa, panicked when I shrieked, bounced off the snake cage and things kinda went pear-shaped from there in.

You know how much my aunt loves that snake. First time she's let anyone else watch it while she goes away and all hell breaks loose. The rat hit the catch on the door and that bloody thing was out and haring after the rat like Usain Bolt! It's eight feet long and not the fastest thing on the planet, but I fell over the cat when I got up from the desk, knocked myself out on the mantel and it escaped...

When I woke up, there was no sign of the rat, the snake or the cat! I had a lump the size of a hen's egg on my temple and a headache which could drum for Metallica. I ignored the trail of destruction I could see heading up the hall, picked my way through two broken vases, a shredded curtain and a stretch of carpet which appeared to have been used as a skid-pan, aiming to get some painkillers before searching for the snake.

I rounded the stairs saw the cat backed into a corner on the landing, the snake coiled around a light cord and dangling over the rat which was advancing on the cat. The snake went for the rat which jumped the cat. As the rat disappeared into the snake by gulping degrees the cat flung itself from the newel post and clamped onto my face like something out of Alien! By the time I peeled it off, the rat had vanished and the snake was gradually coiling its way round the bannister with a suspicious lump in its throat.

I managed to deposit the spitting ball of teeth and claws in the dining room, slammed the door and realised my shirt was turning a rather attractive shade of claret. Damn cat had ripped a memory of the occasion into my cheek. On reflection, I think he might be part sabre tooth! The snake refused to be removed from the bannister, and I have to say I didn't appreciated the way he tongued at me... especially when there was so much blood involved.

At which point, to the loud chorus of angry cat and softly hissing snake, I passed out. To be honest, when I got to the hospital, I told them I cut myself falling asleep at the computer. It was far more believable!”

There were general cheers, a few suspicions voiced, some laughter and a great deal of sympathy, all of which made the real tale – the fact that she'd spent the weekend training to be a magician's assistant; one who it turned out wasn't good with knife throwing – a little easier to bear!